From the ages of 12 to 19, I spent most of my days daydreaming. I would go to the swing set and listen to music as I daydreamed. I would daydream for hours at a time! If anyone wanted to play with me, or even just talk I would start to get annoyed that they were taking up my daydreaming time! Of course, nobody knew they were interrupting me, I tried hard not to show I was annoyed also.
I viewed my life as dull and boring. So, I would daydream to make it a little more exciting. It worked. If you asked me about my daydreaming life I have countless stories to tell you! I saved the president and hundreds of people in a plane crash once, that landed in MY back yard! I have been kidnapped at least ten times, which I managed to escape every time! I've killed people before out of self defense! I spoke at least five different languages and played any instruments that are imaginable! All my daydreams had one common thing, I found the man of my dreams in every one of them. In my daydreams, I was the person I wanted to be. I was beautiful, smart, adventurous, kind, daring. I was freakin' awesome!
I got my job a few days before I turned 18, so after that I didn't
really have much time to daydream, but still sure enough, you could
count on seeing me swinging on the swing set before and after work,
especially when the weather was warm, but not even cold weather wouldn't stop me. I realized daydreaming had become a problem for me. This is the only thing that I really desired to do. I would do other things still, but daydreaming would consume me. So, I tried hard not to daydream, but it didn't matter how hard I tried. I would always end up daydreaming. I finally quit daydreaming about seven months ago, when I met the man of my dreams, Kevin. He is the man I would always find in my daydreams! Only, he's way better then the man I fell in love with in my daydreams. I didn't need to daydream after I met him. He was so amazing and charming, daydreaming couldn't even compare.
Last night I was having trouble sleeping so I decided to do I used to always do to help me fall asleep, daydream. In my day I was kidnapped, and then I escaped after two years, but I had retrograde amnesia. Somehow found myself back in Warrensville, where Kevin lives, and I was going to reconnect with him, and we would fall in love all over again. I fell asleep within ten minutes. That was unusual, if I was in a good daydream it would actually prevent me from sleeping, but the only way I could sleep was if I daydreamed. Ironic, I know. This day dream was probably the worst daydream I've never dreamed! So this morning when I woke up, I tried it again. I swung on the swing set like I used to, only no music, and I tried to make that daydream work, I couldn't.
The thought of having to go without Kevin that long probably was the main thing that ruined it. I could have dis-included him all together, but the thought of him not being in my daydream was even worst then being away from him for two years in my daydream. I tried thinking of a better story, but I couldn't. I find it so weird that I couldn't do what six months ago, I couldn't not do. This makes me happy though. I don't have to ever worry about daydreaming consuming me again! I feel like I wasted away my teen years because my fantasies were my life. For the most part that was all I would do.
I never felt "normal" because of my daydreaming obsession. I actually googled it and found out it's a disorder called maladaptive daydreaming. I had a disorder. I am very proud to say I AM CURED of that disorder now. I no longer have the need, or even desire to daydream now. I originally thought Kevin was why I was cured. I got my heart's desire, so of course I'm not going to have the need to daydream so excessively, but what cured me is a little more complicated then that.
In those teenage year in my life, I hated my life. In my eyes there was nothing good about my life. I talked about this in Happiness. Once I started to become happy with the way my life was, I didn't feel the need to daydream anymore. I became content with my life even though I didn't have all the things I wanted, I learned to be content anyways. Through contentment I found I didn't need to daydream anymore. My life is perfect just the way it is.
04-28-2015
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