So, since you already practically hate me, I decided that I am going
to tell you what everyone else wants to, but is afraid too. This has
gone on far to long to remain unsaid any longer. First, I'm sorry. I
never actually tried to shorthand talk to you, I guess I don't know how
to talk to you like I would to another person, not that your any
different or anything, I don't know. It makes no sense, I know, but
still I was trying to work on not doing that to you. No, I never
expected you to be perfect, I know your not. We're human we can't be
perfect, that's why we have Jesus, that's why he died for us. I'm sorry I
snapped at you that day, about the clothes, the bible says to choose
your battles, I should have said nothing. Its just that it feels like
you have no respect for me or others, leaving your trash for someone
else to deal with is disrespectful, going into someone's room without
knocking is disrespectful, little stuff like that that you do drives me
crazy. I try to keep my mouth shut on most these issues, but like you,
your not perfect. Neither am I... Anyways, the main thing I wanted to
say: Want to know what one of our family members said about you? The
person said that one day you are going to explode and mass murder
people. Crazy right? Just so you know, I'm completely disagree with that
statement, I know you would never do such a horrible thing. But doesn't
that concern you that someone actually said that about you? I know if
someone said that about me, I would be VERY concerned. I assume you know
why, but just in case you don't I'll explain. You are hateful to
everyone. On Wednesday nights you get mad because people are down there,
or whatever. Honestly I don't know why you get mad, I just know every
time I'm talking to our siblings about Wednesday nights, they always
bring up you and the fact that they can tell your really mad for no
apparent reason, except them. I get that you don't like visitors, but
then my all means leave until their gone instead of treating them like
crap. Another thing I want to address is the way you treat mom and Joe.
Do you hate them? Because I know they think you do. Sure, Joe is super
annoying, with all his new projects messing up our yard, that he never
finishes anyway, and the fact he treats Chloe and Lydia better than his
own kids. Treating him the way you treat him isn't right either. The
same way with how you treat mom. You think no one notices? Everyone
does. You only short hand answer with her, if she walks in the room you
instantly quit talking. She told me yesterday that nothing she does is
good enough for you, its always wrong, doesn't matter how hard she
tries. You treat her like crap, that's not right Jonathan. She is your
mother, whether you like it or not. She deserves to be treated with
respect. She may not have raised us right, but remember no one is
perfect. Still that would be no reason to practically hate her anyways,
it's not like she abused us or anything of that sort. Jonathan you need
to learn to let go of your anger and learn to love people. Read 1 Cor
13, 1 Peter 4:8, Matthew 5:43-45, 1 Corinthians 12:4-8, Mark 12:30-31,
John 13:34-35. I encourage you to look these verses up and read them. I
wish I could have written them all out for you, but its hard on this
phone and this is super long already. You are a great man Jonathan, I am
not trying to make you out horrible or anything like that, I'm just
trying to speak the truth. People keep saying all we can do is pray,
well I for one think they are wrong. I think all we can do is pray,
address the issue, then pray some more. I guess we'll find out if I'm
wrong or not. I really wish I was able to say all of this to you in
person, but I'm
scared too (I'm a chicken, I know). You won't even look at me, and when
you do (call me crazy) I
see hate in your eyes, it might not be there, I really don't know, it
just feels like it is there
too me. Anyway that's why I won't tell you all this in person, you'll
either ignore me, or you'll give me a hateful response, I don't want
either. I am much braver
writing this and sending it to you, then I would be in person. I
wouldn't be able to say even half of what I'm saying. I know you'll
never be perfect, that's not my goal, my goal of writing this is for you
is to at least see there is an issue with the way you treat others.
Look at it this way: The bible says we as Christians are suppose to let
others see Jesus through us. Joe, I doubt he's a Christian. Do you think
Joe sees Jesus through you? Doubtful. Jesus is love, Joe sees hate. I
honestly expect you to read this, deny all of it, then stay mad at me
forever. If that's the case, that's sad, I don't want you to always be
mad at me, even though right now it feels like you always will be.
Jonathan, I do love you. You are my brother, I will always love you,
even if you never forgive me, even if you never speak to me, even if you
never look at me again, I will always love you. I know it will be hard,
but love isn't always easy. That day you accidentally shot yourself,
that was the scariest day of my life. I thought I was going to lose you,
well I didn't then, but somehow or another I managed to still lose you
now, just in a different way most people would expect. Do you realize
how much kills me to know that. Its kills me to see the way you treat
mom, Joe, and DJ. Its kills me to hear all of the back stab some of our
siblings say, yes in case you were wondering I do try and defend you,
most of the time. I am guilty of some of that back stab, and for that I
am truly so sorry. I should have just kept my mouth shut even if it is
how I felt. Anyways, I don't really know what else to say, except just
please consider what I'm saying, consider that I actually could be right
on this one. I'm am trying so hard to write this in love, I know that
was a lot of my mistakes whenever I tried to stand up to you for DJ, I
should have said it in love, and for not doing that, I'm sorry. I also
should have had at least one bible verse to back me up, which I do in
this one. You don't have to believe a single word I say, but the bible
is always right. Anyways Jonathan, I hope I didn't ruin your day by
telling you how I feel and I still will continue to pray for you, as I
hope you are doing for me, cause as we all know I need just as much
prayer any other person does.
09-12-2014
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