I would like to start this by saying, I really hope you never see
this, but yet I still want you too at the same time. I'm writing this
for you, but yet mainly for me. I know that doesn't make much sense, but
whatever.
I always thought that the first guy I dated would be
who I married, I was set on it, maybe that's one of the reasons it hurt
so bad when you decided I wasn't good enough for you, I don't know.
Either way, it was my plan. Although, you know what happens to my plans,
they fail. Always. You told me once that you hoped that you, being my
plan wouldn't fail, well guess what. It did, and I'm so thankful for
that now.
As you know, right now its been about 5 months or so
since you broke my heart. This is gonna sound crazy, but I've thought of
you every freaking day since then. You are driving me crazy even
though you aren't in my life anymore. How the heck does that work? I
can't count how many prayers I prayed asking God to rid you of my mind.
Sad I know, but true.
I do want to thank you though. Thank you for teaching me to pay more attention. I saw so
many red flags with you, yet I chose to ignore them every time. Thank
you for standing me up on what would have been our third date. Remember?
That was the date we were finally going to kiss. I am so grateful I
never kissed you, that would have made this so much harder for me. Thank
you for that silly little quarter you gave me. Oh my gosh, when you
first gave it to me, I was actually going to keep it forever, ha. Every
time I saw a quarter like that at work I smiled. Now, I frown when I see
it. Seriously, I'm pretty sure that quarter is haunting me. Thank you
for that nativity scene you also gave me. I loved it, honestly even now I
can't deny that's an awesome nativity scene. I couldn't decide what I
wanted to do with it after you broke my heart. I wanted to burn it, but I
couldn't I mean like that has Jesus on it, no way would I burn it. I
threw it under my bed and left it there for months until I finally
decided my mom and have it. By the way, she loves it. Thank you for
helping me make my mom happy.
My heart stopped when I saw a month
later you already had a girlfriend. That meant either one of two
things; you were talking with her the same time you were dating me and
you decided she was better so you "dropped" me for her. Or you started
talking to her after you "dropped" me, and relationships mean so little
to you that you don't need to know the person before you get serious.
Either way, that showed me it was a darn good thing you decided you
didn't like me.
I decided it was time to quit Facebook stalking
you after I saw you had a girlfriend. I did stalk her Facebook though,
she's pretty! Although, I never met her. I was happy for her! I saw her
Facebook posts about you and I was like wow, she's really happy. Good
for her. I prayed, thanking God for making her so happy, then I also
asked him if things didn't work out between the two of you that she was
the one to call things off. I wanted someone to hurt you like you hurt
me. Honestly, now I could care less.
I gotta ask. What the heck
were you thinking when you messaged me?! At the point you messaged me,
it was around 4 months after you decided I wasn't good enough. If you
would have messaged me with an apology I wouldn't be making a big deal
outta this, but no it was a freaking 'hi'. Well hi to your freaking
self. You can't just pretend like we're old friends who haven't talked
in awhile, hi isn't good enough. It should have been an apology. I'm so
glad I didn't see you had messaged me until almost a month later, I'm
guessing you deleted that app, which is great because you won't see my
reply. Ha, I apologized for taking so long to respond. Can you believe
that Glenn? I apologized to you for not seeing the message and not
responding, when you saw my message 5 months ago and chose not to respond. Stupid me! Why am I so nice? Why couldn't I say what I had planned to say if you ever messaged me again?
I
felt like you sending me another message gave me the right to "stalk"
your Facebook, one more time. Wanna know what I found? Nothing really,
other then you are single again. Man, your relationships are short, add
that to the list of reasons you and I would have never worked out.
I don't know why I cared so much. We only texted back and forth only 3 months, only 2 dates, and only
1 phone call. Truth be told, we hardly even knew each other, and really
that's okay. The more I remember stuff you did and said makes me
realize we weren't meant for each other. I'm just glad you realized that
before I did, because most likely wouldn't have until it was to late. I
think one of the reasons I did care so much is because you were the
closest thing I'd ever had to a boyfriend, but I don't know.
This is a rather pointless letter, especially since it happened a long time ago, and you'll never
see it. But I think it might help me. If you had gotten to know me
longer you would know that I'm not the type to bottle stuff up. I like
to express my feelings. So there, I finally expressed them about this,
about you.
Well Glenn, I guess the only thing left to say
is I forgive you. I know you were just trying not to hurt me, but you
did. It would have hurt a lot less if you would have just been honest
with me, but oh well what's done is done. I hope all is well with you.
God bless!
Hannah
08-08-2014
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